Category: Let's talk
A friend of mine contacted me, wondering if I might speak with a friend of hers who has recently lost her sight. I am happy to help out and share my thoughts and experiences in blindness to provide her with some hope and encouragement. As I was born blind, I really have no idea what that drastic change from being sighted to having no sight at all is like. To those who have lost your sight, were there any comments or kind words that helped you during the transition? Do you have any advice about what she could do to help her adjust? Is there anything that I shouldn't say?
Please help.
i am sorry to hear about your friend. i too lost my sight suddenly. what realy helped me was going through the process of grieving. i think there are five stages? so encourage her to cry, and to get depressed, ven to scream..but assure her things will work out. with practice and some assistance. she can return to her old life...well with some changes.
Carlos, very sound advice I think. I am also a lifer like the original poster. But I have seen people grieve loss of sight and many other things as well. It just seems the blindness community, in pursuit of blindness-religion orthodoxy, and a desire to wield the Witch's Hammer, overlooks the plight of the newly-blind. I'm sure there are a ton of issues surrounding this that someone like myself, having been privileged to not endure that kind of loss, cannot fully appreciate.
But you and your friend have our utmost sympathies.
be honest with her, in saying that things won't be easy, but reassuring her that there are people she can reach out to, whenever she needs/wants to do so.
also, as was said, it's just as important for her to go through the grieving process, without judgment about it, or following what others tell her about how long it should take.
everyone goes through things at a different pace, and while time won't necessarily heal anything, it'll at least help her see that she isn't alone in what she's going through.
On the grieving process-it isn't just a one time thing.
It can pop back up over the years. It is normal and okay, although in my experience it lessens. It has been several years for me and while I don't really grieve any more, in the background, there is a depression of sorts, I assume it is the occipital lobe wanting that stimulation or maybe it is more emotional, maybe some side chemical process that goes on in seeing/recognizing faces, things. I don't know. I acknowledge it when it seems to need acknowledging but most of the time, I push on and don't dwell on it.
Not sure the friend is ready for that part right now.
I suppose the main thing is that life does go on and even though there is great change and loss, there is still much joy to be had in life
She has a much greater capacity to adjust than she is most likely aware of and it is mostly our emotions that hold us back from adapting.
I remember seeing a dog on Oprah that was missing a limb-or maybe two? Anyway, the audience oooed and awed over this dog and how amazing it was.
I remember thinking, the dog wasn't amazing. It merely adapted and didn't feel sorry for itself.
So we have to allow for our emotions and the grieving and go from there.
If she can find someone who has also lost their sight, that would be extremely helpful. It is a blessing to be able to talk with someone who has experienced the loss and who has been able to have a successful life despite the loss.
I didn't lose mine suddenly, so don't know how that feels.
I can still see light.
I'd say instead of giving a speech, allow the open ask questions and I'll tell you what I experience form.
It's seems to me a person alreadyknows it is going to be difficult, and as posted the greeving will not only last once, but come on at times.
If you were close and are an active person, I'd invite the newly blind out as usual. Lets go do this or that.
I'd think spending time alone would not be good mentally right now, so that be the advice I'd give to the friend that sees or family.
forgot to mention a strong support group! they are essential in the recovery process. inform her about the ada of 1990. she should learn it, memorize it, take it to heart. so many people will attempt to trample on her rights. they will discourage her from entering a store or resturant once she gets a dog. which is another good move. she must stumble here and there but assure her she can get back up and continue to move forward. the first time i traveled two blocks from my house i got lost! lol someone called the sherifs dept. they arrived to find me in a persons yard. i was a cane traveler then. so, the deputy asked if i needed a ride getting back home. guess what i said? no thank you but can you point me in the right direction? he drove alongside using his mic to guide me! lol lol lol
I'd encourage your friend that she can do anything that she wants. She just has a different way of doing it. I find that's what a lot of people don't understand about the blind community. They find we aren't able to do things that a sighted person can, but that isn't the case. You have to be dedicated and don't give up! Don't feel sorry for yourself and just think your not the only one in the world going throw this. I do think that it would be tougher going throw life loosing your vision then it would be being born with a vision loss. We don't know any different.
I know a guy who lost his vision and he took up clowning. That helped him get throw the process and he still clowns today. It turned into a career for him.
People face difficult times in some point in there lives and with the right support and help from friends and family they can get throw it. I've helped a friend get throw his tough time and you might be able to do the same.
I agree with the poster who said give her time to grieve. But eventually she will be ready to get help, and encourage her to seek out a rehab center or independent trainer to come into her home to help her. One of the things that helped me deal with my sudden loss the most was being around other newly blinded people and people with other disabilities at a rehab center. I learned there were people much worse off than me, and that helped put things into perspective.
I have also been blind since birth. I don't know what it's like to lose sight drastically. I lost most of the vision in my left eye in a time frame that was hardly noticeable. While at LCB, I saw the struggle that people who were losing vision, or those who knew they would eventually lose all vision but did not know when it would happen, were trying to cope with. It stuck with me, because I hadn't known anything different from my situation before that point. And until I wore sleepshades for the first time, I didn't realize just how much I had been depending on my vision. Traveling with vision, and then suddenly being informed that I would not be able to utilize this vision and experiencing travel without vision was very daunting. However, experimentation and extra effort outside of training enabled me to overcome the challenge. I chose to wear sleepshades from the time I woke up until I went to bed, so as to experience what it would be like to not have the ability to take them off immediately after training as most people did. It got to a point that I became so used to not using my vision, that for whatever reason I wondered one day why it was so dark, and I assumed that my lightbulb was out until I realized I still had the sleepshades on. Grieving is perfectly understandable, because vision loss is as much of a psychological change as it is a physical change. However, realize that this doesn't mean life is going to suck from here on out up to the end. It is going to be hard. There will be days when you want to give in to the pressure and stress. But the harder you struggle and the more you work, the better off you will be and the more successful you can become. Most of us probably realize this, and hopefully, with time and reassurance your friend will realize this as well.
Where to begin... I lost my sight at the height of my career, I was 32 years old
at the time and it was very, very traumatic for me. I was dealing with many,
some may say way too many, responsibilities when it comes to my work ethic
being on the board of directors for a post production company in Hollywood. I
went from running the IT departments spanning 88 different companies one
day, to losing my vision in about 6 months time. THe hardest thing for me was
adjusting to not working but overall the hardest thing for me to accept was not
being able to see my daughter's face anymore, her being 8 at the time. One of
the hardest issues I dealt with that my friends no longer had a need for me
although they promised to help me with whatever I needed but they left me
hanging. The main feeling I experienced was, lonely. The main thing that has
helped me transition is to realize that, I was not alone and there are others out
there that have been in this situation much longer than I have. THe people I
met after I lost my sight were much truer friends. Basically, encouragement
helps a lot when it comes to something this traumatic. I have talked to others
whose family members are going through the same thing and it truly helps to
talk about it and show that they are not alone, and there are many advances in
the modern world to help. I know this is long winded but thought that my story
would be appropriate to share.
Ok, all the suggestions here are great, no question about that. Grieving is
necessary, and support is wonderful. Absolutely, give her all those things.
But if you want to know what the best words I ever heard were, they are as
follows, "Shut up, yes you can". I heard it every time I used that tired old
phrase, "I can't do it, I'm blind". My sister especially would say it to me.
Can't learn to swim because I'm blind, shut up, yes you can. Can't learn to
throw a football, shut up, yes you can. Can't learn how to flip a pancake,
shut up, yes you can.
It is so easy for blind people, and not just newly blind people, to fall into
the trap of complacency. People will happily do things for us. They will
happily give us sympathy and support and allow us to weep bitterly into their
shoulders until it ruins their shirt. What few people will do is kick us in the
ass and tell us to stop being pathetic and just get it done already. In my
opinion, that's the most necessary role of all.
Great advice given here... there is a time for the grieving process, a time for adjustment,
a time for learning how life goes on and virtually all things can be done in an alternative
way, and yes, a time for an ass kicking when you throw a pity party for yourself. What I
have found most helpful is to seek out inspiring stories of people who just happen to be
blind but have made a life and a place in this world for themselves, who are successful
and driven to greater heights by their work, education, achievements, recreational
activities, etc. Inspiration is, to me, a key part of the process when one loses their sight,
especially pointing them in the direction of talking to or reading about someone who has
overcome the challenges.
What it comes down to, yes, vision loss is a handicap but don't let it stop you
from trying, anything. It can be done, it's just a little harder to achieve but it
can be done. I am still fairly new to the whole vision impairment lifestyle but
I'm not afraid to try. My favorite quote in life before and now apparent in my life
still is "I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying" and "It's not how
many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up." both by
Michael Jordan.